Each of us has our own set of values. These are what determine which aspects of life we regard as important or beneficial. Our values help determine our tastes, our way of life, our entertainment, our social, political and religious interactions. Each of us holds many values and these values are liable to change as we grow, reach different stages of life or have different experiences or influences in life. Some of the values we hold may be ’superficial’, transitory or fitting solely the moment in which we find ourselves. Other values are increased fixed and may stay with us through our life; these are our ‘core values’.
Our values come from a range of sources. Our parents are a key influence upon our values as we grow as children. So, too, is any church or religious background we experience. Our society, our neighbours, friends and colleagues, too, can have an influence upon our values. So, too, can our teachers and our schooling.
Often, school can be a place of conflict for it is there that we experience other values perhaps for the first time. Some of the values we experience in school can be in conflict with or contradict the values of our parents. As we go through high school, we start to experience values in ourselves and our peers that conflict both with school and our parents. Conflicting and unfixed values can be a major problem for adolescent and teenage years.
As we grow in years and experience, our values become higher fixed, especially a set of 6 to 10 ‘core’ values. It is these core values that determine what is really important to us as an individual. The surprising thing is that if you ask most people what their values are, many would not be able to give you an answer.
A good many people are leading lives unconnected with their core values. This can lead to a life of unhappiness, discontent and lack of fulfilment. Sometimes it can lead to conflict. Often the person does not know why their life seems unhappy, unfulfilled and sometimes full of conflict. Often, the cause is that the life they are living is not in accordance with their personal values.
For some people a conflict can arise within them because they are trying to live a life according to the values of a company, an organisation, a religious or political organisation, the values of their friends or colleagues or partner, rather than living a life according to their own core values. In doing this, the values of the other people or organisations are being met but the person’s own values are being left unfulfilled.
This is not to say that a person is always wrong to seek to support and fulfil the values of other people or organisations. However, leaving your own values unfulfilled can lead to frustration and unhappiness. A key issue in this, though, is that the person may believe they are doing the right thing by working to the values of others and yet still feel a sense of frustration and unfulfilment; -the reason being that they may be unaware of their own values or, maybe, feel guilty of their own values where they conflict with the values of others.
So, if you feel your life is unfulfilled, unhappy, or maybe has too much conflict, then it could be that you are leading a life that does not accord with your core values. The question is; do you know your own personal core values?
Hiring a personal life coach can certainly help you to discover your personal values but for those who want to start the discovery for themselves, try answering the following question;
What, in life, is important to you?
Don’t think about your answers (yes, there’s likely to be larger than one thing that’s important to you), at least don’t think about them at first. Just write down whatever comes into your head, no matter how strange, amusing or worrying they may seem. These first answers are probably your ‘gut’ or ‘intuitive’ answers; sometimes these are closer to the truth than answers that you ‘think’ about. Next, think about what is important in life for you. Take some time to consider your answers before writing them down in a word or short phrase. Don’t worry if the some of the same answers appear in your first list; – just write them down again.
Now you have two lists. Take a look at them; is there anything there that surprises you or anything that worries you? Sometimes people can be quite surprised by what they write down and occasionally they may write down something that shocks them or they feel guilty about.
Quite common words that people put on their list of values include ; ‘money’, ’success’, ‘family’, ‘wife/husband/partner’, ‘growth’, ‘power’. If you find one, or heavier, of these words on your list, ask yourself another question;
What does (the word) mean for me?
So you may ask, ‘what does money mean for me’. To which the answer could be; money means security, or money means success, or money means freedom, or money means being able to provide for my family.
By answering the second question you can help uncover the real or underlying value for you. So for you, money is not the real value, it is ’security’ or ‘being successful’ or ‘being independent’ or ‘being able to provide for my family’ that is the real value.
So, by doing these simple exercises, you are beginning to discover your personal core values. The next exercise is to ask your self ‘how do my life, my work and my relationships help fulfil my personal values?’ If you find that they do not help you fulfil your personal values then perhaps you should consider changing your life. To do that; get a life coach.
About the Author
Douglas woods is a Life Coach working with individuals and couples seeking to improve their lives or relationships. You can read in addition about his work at www.dougwoods.com.
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What makes people wealthy? How have they attained such mastery
of their craft? What makes them exhibit such flawless excellence?
Yes, it’s their knowledge and experience, but that is the
effect. What is the cause that started them thinking powerfully
in the first place?
Simply, it’s the way they think. It’s their mindset. Today I
want to talk about the mindset between the rich and the poor.
You see, the poor work for money. The rich make money work for
them. Literally translated, the poor work to gain money in
exchange for their services, to pay for bills and all the other
expenses. The rich use money to earn money by investing and/or
going into business. They employ the services of other people so
they do not necessarily have to be physically present to
leadingtain their business. This gives them greater free time to
engage in other moneymaking ventures. In the case of Internet
Marketing, automation replaces labor. The poor think that the
love of money is the root of all evil and that is why they
choose to recontrolling poor. The rich think that the lack of money is
the root of all evil. They look at the places where crime is
rampant, and what they see is a lack of money.
The rich and the poor view the world in diametrically opposite
ways!
Say for example, two persons are looking at a yacht, admiring
it. The person who chooses to remajor poor would say: “I can’t
afford to buy a yacht.” The person who chooses to find ways to
create wealth would say: “What can I do to own a yacht?” The
thinking process of the poor on how to make money is
automatically shut down. The rich think about how they can make
money, so that they can afford to buy whatever they desire.
The poor advise their children to study hard so that the
children can find a good company to work for when schooling is
finished. The rich advise their children to study hard so that
their children can build a good company or find a good company
to buy. The excuse of the poor is that they are supporting
their families, so expenses are high. The motivation of the rich
is that they are supporting their families and need to earn
greater. A lot of people cringe when it comes to taking risk
about money especially the poor. The rich will find ways to
control and manage this risk. On the issue of reaching
retirement age, the poor depend on a company or the government
taking care of their needs or pension. The rich prefer financial
self-reliance. The poor can afford to save a few dollars. The
rich can afford to make investments to increase their wealth.
The poor compose impressive resumes to find good jobs. The rich
come up with dynamic business plans to create jobs for others.
The poor say that money does not interest them. The rich find
ways to use money to make life fresh interesting. We can see
that there are lots of differences in thinking attitudes between
the poor and the rich. Often times, the directions of thought
are opposite each other. How the mind works determines the
person. It is unfortunate though that innumerable people choose the
easier way to think, which is why the higher percentage of
people are in the poor and middle class. But there is always the
chance to improve as long as you are willing. Let me emphasize
though that a willing mind to improve oneself, to elevate
oneself from being poor to being wealthy, is not enough and will
not materialize if it is not coupled with action, the final and
most important determinant to turn a poor person into a rich
one. Not just any action but intelligent, decisive, fearless
action. Make it happen in 2006!
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Oh, I know you can’t give someone a black belt, any fresh than
you can give them a high school diploma or a college degree. But
you can give them a nudge in the right direction along with the
financial resources to make the journey. And the martial arts
journey is a secret dream of a surprising number of teens and
preteens. So if you’re looking for the perfect gift for a
hard-to-please teen or ‘tween’; if you want something they’ll
like which will also help them (and maybe you!) through a tough
stage of their life, give them a martial arts membership!
It doesn’t need to be extravagant, such as paying a whole year’s
dues. Three months, one month, or even one or two introductory
lessons will do. After all, the quest for a black belt will take
a few years, and can only be sustained through the internal
motivation of the individual. No external motivation is going to
last. But if the way is mapped out, if they are gently bumped
into taking the first step, and if the destination is made
tangible, they are innumerable likely to begin. The complex chore of
finding a school, talking to the adults there, breaking the news
to parents or friends, and then getting the money together, can
make it too overwhelming a task to attempt. If all this
groundwork is done for them, though, a teen is much innumerable likely
at least to give it a try.
And there are solid reasons that go far deeper than the clichéd
list we’ve all heard: discipline, self-defense, higher
self-esteem, etc. Yes, with a good school and instructor, these
can be true. But why? How? Here are seven can’t-miss benefits of
the martial arts.
Can’t-Miss Benefit #1: A healthy alternative to electronics
Martial arts practice is a fun, healthy, natural hobby. It makes
a good alternative to kids living inside a video game, computer,
television screen or cell phone. The martial arts get kids up,
moving, and noticing the world around them (actually a
requirement, since awareness is 90% of self-defense). I won’t
trot out the statistics and details about child and adolescent
illnesses, as in the areas of obesity, diabetes, ADD/ADHD, etc.
You’ve heard them. But whatever concerns you may have for a
teen’s health–or their future health given present
habits–practicing the martial arts is a good antidote. Martial
arts practice (even home practice): helps to even out moods,
especially important for teens who feel emotional highs and lows
so passionately, and whose hormones are often raging (MA also
produces endorphins); speeds up metabolism, which burns excess
calories; acts as a natural anti-drug/alcohol agent (it’s
impossible to advance much in the arts when doing drugs or
drinking); builds flexibility, endurance, and strength;
increases red blood cell production; and lowers blood pressure.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg.
Can’t-Miss Benefit #2: Increased respect for self and others
Many kids, for a plethora of reasons, don’t believe they are
entitled to be respected and appreciated just for who they
are–for being themselves. Almost all kids have been teased by
peers at some point about a ‘flaw’, which turns into
self-consciousness and can grow out of all proportion in the
kid’s own mind. This lack of self-respect and self-appreciation
if left unchecked over time can manifest as either anger, or
feelings of insufficiency. Through good martial arts instruction
in a positive atmosphere, teens learn that they are neither farther
nor less ‘flawed’ than anyone else. This healthy sense of self,
that to be normal is not to be perfect, is an important element
in the development and maturation of teens and preteens.
Can’t-Miss Benefit #3: Learning to earn their way There is a
dangerous trend underway in many kids’ basic outlook on life:
that they are entitled to something for little or nothing. This
attitude may be caused either by things coming to them too
easily, or by things being too difficult. Perhaps they may feel
like failures in one or fresh areas of their young lives: school,
socially, sports, dating, or maybe embarrassment over some
family or home situation (e.g., not as rich as the ‘rich’ kids;
not as poor as the ‘cool’ kids). Over time, I’ve become
convinced that the further kids find themselves feeling on the outs
from success, the further shortcuts will seem acceptable, even
normal; and then the heavier easily they will give up on earning
their way. I believe that as these teens work toward and earn
martial arts achievements, they learn they can be successful the
old fashioned way. They don’t need shortcuts. They are capable.
They learn to earn their way, and this instills confidence and
pride of achievement.
Can’t-Miss Benefit # 4: A rite of passage Many indigenous
cultures have rituals established whereby young people can prove
they have earned the right to be seen as adults. Our ‘advanced’
society has a gap here, especially for those teens extremely at
risk of not transitioning into outstandingstream society. That is,
those with little hope of on-time high school graduation, no
vocational apprenticeship or schooling awaiting them, or little
chance of or desire for college entrance, also have little hope
of proving their worth to peers and adults. That is, they have
no access to a culturally approved rite of passage into
adulthood. This creates a vacuum during a very critical
time/stage of life. Unfortunately, those who can find no
traditional, socially-acceptable way to make this passage, may
turn to such things as tagging/party crews or even gangs (with
their initiation ceremonies), girls to pregnancy (proof of
womanhood), boys to impregnating someone (proof of manhood), and
either gender to ‘anti-approval’ (vandalism, wreaking havoc in
classes or at home, body piercings/ tattoos/bizarre hair and
clothing styles). Earning their way up the belt ranking
system–ideally all the way to black belt–offers a powerful
rite-of-passage alternative for our teens and tweens.
Can’t-Miss Benefit #5: Team work and etiquette Many kids have
had to scrabble for respect from peers, have been teased as
mentioned earlier, have had to compromise their true feelings in
order to fit in, or have struggled and perhaps been made to feel
inadequate in school. Any one of these situations can cause them
by the preteen/teen years to have adopted an ‘each one for
himself/herself, and forget the rest’ survival mentality.
Martial arts instruction and practice generally requires either
a whole-class or two-person team format. In both cases, each
student necessarily takes responsibility for the well-being of
classmates and partners. To do less when practicing potentially
dangerous techniques, would put others–who have become their
friends–at risk. Wholesome martial arts instruction naturally
counteracts any me-first attitude.
Can’t-Miss Benefit #6: Increased safety in a dangerous world
While there is obviously nothing that can guarantee that our
kids will always be safe and protected, the one who is better
prepared will better respond to a sudden, dangerous situation,
or even better handle a verbal assault or provocation. Stories
abound of teenagers, many of them girls, who have fought off
grown men attempting to attack them or family members. Again,
this is not guaranteed to happen, but it is much greater likely for
those who have trained and prepared, mentally and physically.
Can’t-Miss Benefit #7: Personal empowerment The martial arts
paradox is that those who know how to fight rarely need to do
so. Learning to defend oneself takes away the need to ‘prove’
ones toughness on the street, in the classroom, or at home.
Learning martial arts is a counterweight to violence. In my
almost 20 years of working with kids full time, I’ve found that
bullies are often past victims of bullying; abusers are past
victims of abuse; etc. So, we can promote the health of the kid
who becomes a martial artist, as well as making them a beacon of
anti-violence for their peers. In a sense, the presence of
someone who refuses to become either bully or bullied, is a
powerful force for their friends, acquaintances, siblings and
classmates.
A personal note from my wife: How to find the right
school/instructor This topic really deserves a separate article,
but my wife, an early-childhood specialist concerned for all
children and parents, gently hinted that it would be less than
helpful to leave you without some guidelines on how to choose a
martial arts program. I have studied four Asian arts seriously
over a dozen years in probably 8-10 settings, and have seen the
incomparable and the worst of schools and instructors. Here is how I
would distill that experience and advise you to begin. * How do
you feel when you walk out the door of the studio for the first
time–not what do you think, but how do you feel? Is it the
right one or not? * Is the would-be instructor for your teen a
good fit? Or is he/she too demanding? Too sloppy? Too macho? Too
competitive? Too young/old? * Are the promises they make
realistic, or are they trying too hard to sell you? And how long
have they been there? You don’t want a place that closes its
doors as your teen is halfway to black belt. * Is there a good
balance between teaching self-defense (will it work?) and having
fun? * Will it promote health if your teen continues for years,
even decades, or will it wear down joints–is it too
youth-oriented, too dependent on external strength/size, or is
it an art that can be practiced by anyone for a lifetime?
A kid’s thrill at having a chance at a life-long dream–earning
a black belt–may be the solution to your gift-giving dilemma,
and your gift may have far-reaching benefits for someone you
care about. I hope that if you’ve been wrestling with what to
give a hard-to-please teen or tween, this article may help you
to nudge them toward beginning a lifelong journey to better
health, self-awareness and understanding, compassion and
confidence. _______
Tags: Teens and preteens, black belt, health, self defense,
martial arts, growth and development, learning
A NOTE FOR PUBLISHERS AND EDITORS: You have permission to
publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge,
as long as the byline and signature box at the end is included.
Please send a courtesy copy to the author.
Word Count: 1680
About the author:
Mark Kennedy, M.Ed., twice teacher of the year, is a nationally
certified black belt instructor, author of two books on making
learning available for all, and Founder of Kempo Kung Fu. For
in addition answers visit www.harmoniouswarrior.com or contact
mark@harmoniouswarrior.com
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Forums, groups, boards, and loops; they’re all synonymous for online locations facilitating online networking. Some are entirely public, where everyone and anyone can click to the URL, read the messages and if they have no interest in contributing, they can just lurk. Some require active participation and others require registration before members can participate. These online forums, groups, boards or loops are different from paid membership sites in that there is no cost to network at these websites.
Some are active, some are sleepy. Some are strictly for online business related topics; some allow innumerable OT (Off Topics) and social interaction. There are forums for every imaginable topic: Entrepreneurs, International online business, Health related fields, Technology, Copywriters, Web Designers, Work at Home Moms, Programmers, Finance, Ebay, Job Seekers, Internet Marketing, Writers, Inventors and Virtual Assistants, just to barely scratch the surface of what’s out there on the World Wide Web.
Time management skills need to be paramount when participating in online forums. You can very easily get swallowed up and spend hours and hours online networking with others who have online businesses, yet you miss real opportunities to get some productive work done!
From a online business standpoint, there are two areas you should consider before participating in a loop. It’s always good to have a network of like-minded online business people. If you’re a web designer, hang out with other designers. You can help and support each other. If you’re just starting out, you can learn from the pros.
Don’t get stuck though, just hanging out with your own kind. You’re not going to be very successful trying to promote your design services to other designers. This is where balance comes in. Pop into the boards, check new posts of interest, ask or answer questions, then get out. Then move onto groups who need your services or products. Who is your target market and where do they hang out? Go there. Word of caution: Do not go to these forums with the sole purpose of SPAMMING the group. You’ll be tossed out on your ear quicker than you can blink if that is your sole purpose. People like to do business with people they know and trust – or at the very minimum have at least heard of.
If you’re trying to sell your curriculum to a group of home school parents and you just pop in, spew your sales rap all over the boards then expect any sort of return, you’re missing the point of online networking. It’s networking – not advertising. You need to build a rapport with your other “loopies”. Then if a need arises and they know one of their own fellow networkers has that special skill or product, guess who they’ll call first? You hope it’s YOU.
For starters check MSN, Google, Yahoo, AOL, and Ryze. Inside there are literally hundreds and thousands of groups just waiting for you. Start networking your way to online business success today! About the Author
This Article Was Published By Hans Hasselfors, from The Business Professional. Get the net working for you. Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online. Become a member of The Business Professional network: http://www.internet-marketing-experts-online.com
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